Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Sometimes I have to remind myself to just breathe, when it feels like the walls are closing in. A great leader once said, “A boat doesn’t sink because of the water around the boat, but because of the water that gets inside”. Truth is, sometimes the water gets inside of us and we start to drown. Drown in the challenges of the workplace and the finances. In the anxiety of our parents or children. In the conflicts of marriage and relationships. In the pursuit of goals and ambitions. In the confusion of society and religion. And sometimes, it’s the internal insecurities, trauma, doubt and pain that we find ourselves swallowed by the ocean's waves. How do we manage these turbulent times? How do we keep the water out of the boat?
Sometimes just breathing, reciting a scripture and hoping, is simply not enough. We must take action to both fortify us and drain what is draining us.
1. In uncertain times it is critical that we organize our thoughts. Challenging circumstances can cause clutter and chaos. We must take a few minutes everyday to focus our thoughts. Consider this: Write two or three things down you want to accomplish that day. I recommend two small things that are for others and one large that is just for you like: "I want to load the dishwasher, finally fold the laundry that’s been in the dryer since last Thursday and do a 30minute workout" or "I want to go to the grocery store, attend the parent teacher meeting and eat some frozen yogurt alone in my room and not share with anyone". It may not seem like much but taking time to organize your thoughts and plan your activities without neglecting yourself or overwhelming your agenda can be a great stress reliever
2. Get cleaned up. Stress often leads to neglect of self. After all, in the busyness, there is simply too much to do. Take a shower, shave your legs, fix your hair, get your nails done, lay your makeup, match your clothes, find the earrings, grab the heels and carry the world on your shoulders?! I’m a mom, and I can’t say that everyday I have had a chance to take a long bath and deep condition my hair but, taking just a few minutes to take a shower, brush your teeth and wash your face can be just what you need to reinvigorate your spirit. Now sometimes, I understand, you cant. Your stressor may be the water is off in your home, or you are currently displaced or your simply don't have the luxury of time and energy but if you are able to find a few minutes, maybe when everyone else is asleep, to simply freshen up: Do it.
3. Eat and Exercise. How many of us don’t eat, overeat or eat the wrong things when stressed? Or how many sit and sulk rather than walk around? I get it! Stress takes all our energy and all we want to do is finally relax; But studies show that intentional activity and a balanced diet can not only help us maintain (or acquire) a desired physic but it can help us avoid an increase in cortisol levels (stress hormones). Now, I certainly am not suggesting any specific diet but, I do encourage you, when you are feeling weighed down, to move around and maybe grab an apple (or mango-that's one of my favorites)!
4. Make a list of positives and recite them to yourself. In the many published books of Dr. Caroline Leaf, she shares extensively how our thoughts become our reality. Even the scripture says, “as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he” So choose to think positively even in negative circumstances. Please understand, this is not to negate or ignore the realities of life. To not take action against injustices or refute bigotious behaviors rather, to internally have a resolve that superceeds any given time period, person or circumstance. It means in the midst of chaos, to speak with power and authority: "I am stronger than this one moment. I am bold and courageous. I am disciplined and determined. I will only be defined by what I decide. I am loved and valuable." Another trick: the more specific, the better: “I have overcome abuse so I know this manager has no idea what I’m made of” "No one believed I could get here but now, I have an amazing spouse that supports my vision and goals with not just words but energy, effort, and time” “I am heartbroken right now and I have never experienced pain this deep but I know if I just keep going I will make it through this. I may need counseling. I may need to cry but I will be okay”
5. Recognize some things (especially in challenging times) are just not that important. Think of it this way, If your boat could go under, are you more concerned with if the bed's in the living quarters are made or if what can be done to make sure the ship doesn’t capsize? That is not to say the beds shouldn’t be made (I personally hate when the beds are not made) but as you look over your day, take inventory of what you can handle. Evaluate what is necessary and what, even if it’s just temporary, can be let go. Your standards aren’t lowered. Your boundaries aren't ignored. But you must know what is and is not important and why. Then take a few things off of your shoulders. Share your new plans with your spouse or kids. “Alright, for the next two weeks we are going to try something new: I am going to cook two times this week, dad will cook two times and the other days we will have leftovers that you all will have to get out of the fridge yourselves." Or “Sweetheart, I have an idea. I will get up with the baby Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday I will pump and you can get up with him and we will alternate Sundays because this is too much on me to continue the way have been”
I hope some of these are useful. Please feel no pressure to implement them all at once. Pick one or two that work best for you at this time and grow from there. Let's all work at better navigating the waves of life as not to be overcome by it's many challenges.
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