“Honey, do you know about the birds and the bees?” My mother asked randomly one day as we drove home from school. “Yes, mom” I said sheepishly. Too embarrassed and uncomfortable to admit, I knew nothing. “Because if you don’t…” “Mom, I know” I sternly and adamantly lied. She was uncomfortably, contemplating if she should insist on a conversation and I was just hoping for no more red lights on our short drive home. Eventually I heard, “Well..Okay” And we never talked about it again.
Some of you may relate. Sexuality was not an in-depth conversation we had with our parents (though it maybe should have been) and certainly our churches and religious circles shunned such discussions. I however was fortunate that my church offered a class to teens (with parent permission) on sex (granted, mainly abstinence-but it was a good class). I sat in my uneasiness having already resolved the goal of every sex conversation until I got married was “Don’t have sex! No matter what! It’s bad and you are bad if you do it” Admittedly, this un-programming is hard to undo even after that walk down the aisle.
Truth is libido is a discrete topic of discussion in many circles; And understandable so. Among males, sexual prowess is culturally cheered as a normative rite of passage while generationally women are silenced in areas of sexual education and exploration. Even unto marriage, in large part, the mechanics of sexual intercourse and pleasure are left to research, blushing talks with girlfriends and experimentation. Ironic, how so many are uncomfortable discussing sex interpersonally in this hyper-sexualized society.
As we age, our bodies do change. Some men are often ashamed by low ability to perform and women are consistently unsure of what questions to ask about their own bodies. So, let’s talk about it! Sexual performance for both genders is important and baring the need of medical intervention both men genders can benefit from natural assistance for a more consistent, enjoyable experience.
1. Diet. Many foods are said to contribute to heightened sexual performance. Gathering clinical data to support this theory is still in progress. The claim are that aphrodisiacs and/or other fruits, vegetables and meats provide increased blood flow to the genitals and assist in promoting a healthy sex life. Suggested foods are: pineapples, pomegranate, figs, avocados, blueberries, bananas, oysters and salmon.
2. Add Herbs. Garlic and Basil are highly aromatic and heighten sensitivity. When ingested, they are said to increase blood flow because of a compound called allicin which may also help men with erectile dysfunction.
3. Try Health Powders. Yohimbine, is a alkaloid bark from West Africa that has been called “the world's natural Viagra”. Maca Root is a derived from a South American vegetable that was proven in a 2002 study to enhances sex drive and fertility.
4. Increase emotional closeness and communication. Partner connection has been proven to greatly effect sexual performance and enhance the sexual experience. This "high" that comes from the flood of endorphins and the intimate connection studies suggest can last up to 48 hours post experience.
5. Communication. Tell your partner honestly (and gently) what you like and don’t like. Make suggestions, explore and experiment with one other’s body. Every year, I give Michael an “Intimacy Questionnaire” I created. Our goal is to fill out the questionnaire, discuss and experiment. We try to find 2 full days through out the year to explore one another questionnaire, what the other likes and what may have changed. Truth is you may not be able to do the moves you use, you may have had a baby, had surgery, gained or lost weight or their may be their are just some things you want to try that you need a little space and no interruptions. (I will create a different post for the intimacy questionnaire, if you are interested in printing and maybe using with your partner). Talk about what you want and try it. It's your intimate experience with your spouse. Do not be manipulated or controlled by external factors when it pertains to your sexual relationship with your husband/wife.
6. Reducing stress. Stress is not only a factor of general health concerns but also in sexual enjoyment and performance. Studies show that couples get less fulfillment out of sexual encounters if they have chronic stressor.
7. For those trying to get pregnant, please consider consulting your fertility specialist and/or gynecologist regularly in your journey. Reports show, having sex for purpose of procreation can cause additional pressure and stress that may result in poor performance.
8. Limit or cease use of drugs (including athletic performance steroids) Dr, Anil Pinto, has shared from his experience and expertise, drugs can affect hormones, sperm, sexual performance and satisfaction.
9. Be responsible. Awareness of any and all side effects from contraceptives including IUD, shots and even condoms is critically important. Though these are generally regarded as safe, knowledge in application is power. Additionally, if you and your partner decide not to use these protections please also practice safe and responsible behaviors.
10. Safety. The best sex is within the context of a safe, loving and exciting relationship. The oxymoron of freedom and commitment are paramount to a fresh, intoxicating, moving experience.
Please note: I am not a medial professional and this posting does not constitute medical advice. Please consult your physician or health care professional prior to beginning any health, diet or exercises program. For questions regarding sexual health and/or if you feel pain or discomfort during sex please talk with your doctor.
Explore. Love. Connect. Literally, Every Body is different.
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