When the holidays roll around the perplexing question for most men is, what should I get her?! In hopes of winning the affections of his lady, he may plan romantic outings, shower her with cards, sweet gifts, wonderful surprises but the truth is, though greatly appreciated, what women want for Valentine’s Day cannot be encapsulated by Hallmark’s poetry nor the small blue box (but please don’t forsake either-we want those too!) Certainly, no woman would turn it down but what we want exceeds the 24-hour obligatory period.
What we want on Valentine’s Day, and otherwise, is to be seen.
We want for you to compliment our eyes and what is behind them.
To notice our successes not just our struggles.
To be as invested in our minds as you are our bodies.
We want to wooed by your words, backed by commitment.
For your integrity to consistently remind us the bed isn’t how you measure of our value.
To be seen is to be studied.
To be watched and cherished even for the small things: How we have 10 unfinished journals of thoughts and dreams. The way we enthusiastically discuss our perspective on current events.
To be seen is the passionate pursuit of the “unobvious.” Some may know her favorite color, but you know the “why”.
You have explored her.
You have protected her heart.
Challenged her to be her greatest self. Told her what you see in her.
You remind her what she thinks matters.
What she feels matters.
Who she is matters.
Women need to know that we are safe in sharing our insides. It’s true, many have been hurt; And that isn’t your fault. And we are healing but you can help a wound heal. When someone leave the doctor’s office they may be sent away with the instructions “Put on this topical antibiotic, and take one of these pills a day with food. Make sure you change out the bandage every 24 hours” Then they leave. It is their responsibility to do as instructed but what if they had a partner? Is our relationship one where you make dinner so I can eat and take my pill? Would you help me remove and rewrap the wound each night? Encourage my spirit when I feel stupid for hurting myself; Or tell me I am capable when I’m discouraged by the things I can’t yet do.
To be seen is to have that kind of partner. One that’s interested in our internal well-being, just as he is our external. To be seen is not the lack of communication but the observation of it in totality.
So next
Valentine’s Day, and everyday, give the flowers but don’t forget to see her.
To really see her.
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